What it’s like to have a stroke at 29.

So, on the morning of my stroke, initially I went completely numb on my right side; it started in my foot and I actually thought that my new boots were too tight. Within minutes it had moved up my whole leg, hip, torso and down my right arm. I remember holding my pride and joy designer handbag and not being able to lift it up to put it in the cupboard at work. After about 2/3 weeks at home being completely bedridden I managed to get around using Lee or strategically placed furniture for support, but I couldn't scrunch up my toes on the right foot. This became my obsession; I would lie in bed day after day just staring at my toes willing them to move, after 9 weeks, by which point I had all but given up, I was lying in bed one night and felt a spasm in my foot, I looked down and I was scrunching my toes up. 16 months on, I can still scrunch them up, the only noticeable difference from my none affected side is that actions seem to be somewhat in slow motion.  The right side of my bod...

For a long time following my stroke I felt sad. In my head I told myself that it was okay to be sad, I had had a traumatic event and life had changed drastically, it was unfair and it was my right to feel sad. Other people conformed this, even my GP said "its to be expected after what has happened to you." So I just accepted that I was sad and that one day I might wake up and not feel sad anymore.  But as time went, on and my physical recovery continued, my mental health didn't seem to follow suit. I was still sad. So much so I felt consumed by my emotion, like it was suffocating me. I reached out to my GP initially - obviously when it comes to medication for depression and anxiety takes a long time to find the right one for each person and the right dose. I recall one conversation with a lovely female doctor at my surgery who spoke to me so nicely I almost cried. She was so sympathetic and she almost sounded choked up herself, which made me infinitely worse! I cried for ...

There is a certain level of acceptance, particularly amongst women over the age of 25, that we are expected to work like we are not parents, and parent like we don't work. We are expected to uphold the care of partners, homes, children and pets as well as ourselves and maintain a job.  Now, I am by no means an avid feminist, I'm not going to burn my bra in protest or anything drastic, I do think as a country we have moved in the right direction thanks to the suffragettes proving our right to vote and equal pay rulings. But part of me feels that we may have gone too far the other way in a sense, we are conditioned as women to 'keep house' and uphold the managerial role at home but we also hold those roles at work too. When is it too much and which one do you sacrifice, if any? I mentioned in my previous post 'Strong Women Raise Strong Girls' that my Mom was a Career Mom, she had me and my sister 10 years apart and then when I was about 2/3 she began to work her w...

Before I wrote this post I did a lot of research into the topic of therapy, mainly because although I know an awful lot   about psychology and why we might feel or react in a certain kind of way, I have no personal experience of being the other side of the desk so to speak.  Most of my support work in schools centred around CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) which I have to say, worked incredibly well for most of the students I worked with.  CBT focusses on challenging and changing cognitive behaviours, improving a persons ability to regulate emotions and teaching them to develop and use personal coping strategies. It is based on the concept that your thoughts, feelings and actions are inter-connected and that negative thoughts and feelings can trap you in a vicious cycle.  My initial response to my own anxiety was to go down the CBT route; so at first I tried recording my thoughts and feelings each day (journaling) to see if I could find out what was triggering my lo...

Nobody warns Stroke Survivors that, although physically they may completely recover and no outward symptoms that they ever even had a stroke, they will experience random attacks of the most vicious and depleting fatigue.  In the early days following my stroke I recall feeling tired, as though I needed to be held up by two bits of string, I simply thought that I had been through a stressful ordeal, I'd been hit with a horrific headache that lasted almost 2 weeks and I was having to work twice as hard to make my body do the simplest of tasks like going to the bathroom or feeding myself.  After several weeks I mentioned my exhaustion to my GP who assured me that it was completely normal post stroke, my body and my brain were trying to heal and recover and sleep was the best thing I could do to help.  Feeling somewhat reassured by my GP I listened and did as I was told. I slept whenever I felt I needed to, which was an awful lot between you and I.  I would love to say no...

I had somewhat of a 'normal' upbringing, both my parents were hard working and we were incredibly fortunate to be comfortable enough to live in beautiful homes and have beautiful things, none of which came without sacrifices, that was something I learnt about life extremely early on, if you wanted nice things, you had to work hard to pay for them.  My Mom was catapulted into the life of a career woman, almost, it felt to me as a 3 year old, overnight. I recall she worked in a local furniture store where she sold lighting and every now and then my Dad would take me there to drop off hairspray when she made the emergency call (it was the early nineties big hair was absolutely essential and the heat of all those lights used to make her curls drop 😂). I can't even remember how or when it happened but she rocketed through roles like nobodies business; from a team leader to management to lead generation roles and beyond. She passed her driving test on one day, was presented with...

  When I was first visited by my Occupational Therapist she gave me a list of activities and exercises I could do to improve the strength in my affected hand. She gave me some resistance bands and some 'Theraputty' and a page of instructions and left me to it.  I got bored of these incredibly quickly and started searching for ways I could incorporate these exercises into different activities that would hold my interest for longer.  It was Lee who noticed an advert on Facebook for diamond art pictures, he thought that the level of concentration and fine motor skills it required would help with my spasticity on my affected side. He was right, I was instantly hooked. For weeks I sat in bed with a tray on my lap putting thousands of tiny gem stones on pictures and creating beautiful (if a little wonky) works of art... I mean I'm not about to frame them and put them on the walls in my front room any time soon but they were fun to do.  I also took an interest in colouring ...

  I know I'll be in the minority here but I absolutely loved lockdown.  For me it meant that it wasn't just me missing out on going shopping, to the pub and visiting family and friends because no-one was allowed to. It took a massive amount of pressure to 'get better' off.  I had the time I needed to recover and process what was happening to me at my own pace, like I mentioned before the only inconvenience was the fact that the waiting lists for appointments at the hospital was humongous!  I had some familiar faces do doorstep visits; my friend from work came bearing gifts which my little work family had contributed to, to wish me well, my best friend sent gifts in the post and a lovely friend of mine popped in to sit in the garden whenever she was able to. I felt incredibly loved.  Because Lee's job is classed as essential he needed to go to work for the most part but they were incredibly understanding and allowed him to come home and check on me every couple o...

As I have previously mentioned the support I found within the Instagram community was incredible.  There are lots of accounts that I stumbled across on my stroke journey that I found immensely helpful and, with their permission, I would love to share them with you: Mental_Health_With_Coffee -  A mother who also happens to be a Mental Health Advocate, She is a survivor of Narcissistic abuse and wages war with depression and anxiety. If you're looking for motivational quotes and informative advice this is your place to be.  TheAimzRecovery - Amy: A Young Stroke Survivor. Amy tells her story of recovery with nothing but positivity. She is an incredibly inspiring young lady whose stories make me look forward to my future as a Stroke Survivor and the things I could potentially achieve with the right mindset.  Cleaning_Away_Anxiety - Lisa shares her home life with her followers, she lives with chronic asthma and is sharing her journey through Covid and going back to work a...

 There are two main causes of stroke;   * ischaemic – where the blood supply is stopped because of a  blood clot , accounting for 85% of all cases * haemorrhagic – where a weakened blood vessel supplying the brain bursts. There are certain conditions which can increase the probability of having a stroke:  *High blood pressure *High cholesterol  *Diabetes  *Irregular Heartbeats Strokes can happen at any age, in the UK over 400 children have strokes each year. They can affect babies, infants, children and teenagers.  10-15% of strokes happen in people under 45 years old. A page that I found incredibly helpful was on the Different Strokes Website My-Broken-Brain-A-Stroke-Survivors-Guide.pdf (differentstrokes.co.uk)