There is a certain level of acceptance, particularly amongst women over the age of 25, that we are expected to work like we are not parents, and parent like we don't work. We are expected to uphold the care of partners, homes, children and pets as well as ourselves and maintain a job.
Now, I am by no means an avid feminist, I'm not going to burn my bra in protest or anything drastic, I do think as a country we have moved in the right direction thanks to the suffragettes proving our right to vote and equal pay rulings. But part of me feels that we may have gone too far the other way in a sense, we are conditioned as women to 'keep house' and uphold the managerial role at home but we also hold those roles at work too. When is it too much and which one do you sacrifice, if any?
I mentioned in my previous post 'Strong Women Raise Strong Girls' that my Mom was a Career Mom, she had me and my sister 10 years apart and then when I was about 2/3 she began to work her way up the ladder into high paid high stress roles. As an adult who owns a house, car and pays bills, I now fully understand the level of sacrifice my Mom had to make to earn the level of money she was earning, the money that enabled us to live in a nice house with a big garden, have dogs and other pets, go on holidays, it meant we never had to hear the words "No we can't afford it." But that meant my Mom missed out on parent's evenings, school plays, sports days, school runs and other things in my childhood. I do remember those times, when I had to say my Mom can't come because she's at work, to various teachers etc and I recall it made me sad, because as a child, I didn't understand that Mom was sacrificing those opportunities with me to make sure we had clothes on our backs and bills were paid, as a child I just wanted my Mom with me.
I spoke to my Mom about this recently and she said she felt villainised by friends, family members and teachers etc because she was at work all the time. Imagine feeling guilty that you're going to work to provide a better life for your children than you had, imagine someone telling you that was wrong.
The only time it ever really became a problem though was when the stress of the job made my Mom incredibly unwell. Her blood pressure rose so high she would bleed from her nose and ears. Our family doctor at the time warned my Mom if she didn't take a step back soon she wouldn't be here much longer.
Despite that warning it took Mom a long time to adjust to the mindset she needed to have, and when she was in her most recent role, I could see the challenge just wasn't enough for her, that the grass was growing under her feet and she would soon be seeking something new to sink her teeth into.
I think that we have become so used to stress and a high pressured working environment, in any role, that we are unable to realise when it stops being 'acceptable' and starts becoming toxic.
That is until it's too late and we notice a decline in our mental health, which can very easily spiral out of our control if left unacknowledged.
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