Skip to main content

12 Months Post Stroke

 My most prolific memory of hitting the 12 month post stroke milestone was the overwhelming sense of loosing control. 

At this point, for me, was when the anxiety and depression came to a head, if you like, and became too intense for me to ignore any longer.

I waved the white flag so to speak and finally approached my GP, initially I was prescribed sertraline in a low dose which over time increased to the max 200mg dose I am on today.

Despite hearing a lot of mixed reviews about Sertraline, I felt like it was the right choice for me to give it a try rather than just flat out refuse, given the fact that I have an incredible amount of education and training regarding mental health and facilitating support for children who are experiencing problems in that area and having being unable to manage my own anxiety, I realised that maybe this issue was too big for me to carry alone and I needed help. 

Since starting Sertraline I've also been given a low dose of Amitriptyline, which I use as a sedative and to control nerve pain. I'm also on a waiting list for counselling, which I'm told could be up to 6 months wait for a once weekly telephone consultation. 

The counselling was something I was dubious about; mainly because I know the reasons behind why I am anxious and depressed but there is nothing that I, or anyone else for that matter, can do to fix these issues. No one can give me the use of my leg back or take away the overwhelming fatigue I experience every day. And if I'm completely honest with you reader, I'm not sure what good talking about it to a stranger will do. 

But still, I have hundreds of children who could testify that talking to me, or another adult at school, helped them manage their emotions and made them feel 'better'. So I have to practise what I used to preach don't I?! 

I am hopeful that perhaps counselling will help me when it comes to accepting the things that have happened are unchangeable and help give me the tools I need to move forward with my new life as such. 

There are days when I feel so bitter and resentful; there are days when I hear people moan about work and think 'you don't know how lucky you are to be able to go to work'... there are days when I see friends and family post things on social media out and having a good time and living their best lives and I feel sad, because I know those times for me are limited now, that I have to plan and rest in the days before, and be stuck in be for a number of days afterwards to allow my body and brain to recover. 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Happy New Year - 2022

Firstly, I want to apologise for the lack of posts for the last few months; I have really struggled to pull myself out of the  rut I was stuck in if I am completely honest. Secondly, and most importantly, I came to wish each and every one of my readers a very happy New Year; may 2022 bring you all health, wealth and happiness.   
1 comment
Read more

A Working Woman's World

There is a certain level of acceptance, particularly amongst women over the age of 25, that we are expected to work like we are not parents, and parent like we don't work. We are expected to uphold the care of partners, homes, children and pets as well as ourselves and maintain a job.  Now, I am by no means an avid feminist, I'm not going to burn my bra in protest or anything drastic, I do think as a country we have moved in the right direction thanks to the suffragettes proving our right to vote and equal pay rulings. But part of me feels that we may have gone too far the other way in a sense, we are conditioned as women to 'keep house' and uphold the managerial role at home but we also hold those roles at work too. When is it too much and which one do you sacrifice, if any? I mentioned in my previous post 'Strong Women Raise Strong Girls' that my Mom was a Career Mom, she had me and my sister 10 years apart and then when I was about 2/3 she began to work her w...
Post a Comment
Read more

Alternative Methods for Recovery

  When I was first visited by my Occupational Therapist she gave me a list of activities and exercises I could do to improve the strength in my affected hand. She gave me some resistance bands and some 'Theraputty' and a page of instructions and left me to it.  I got bored of these incredibly quickly and started searching for ways I could incorporate these exercises into different activities that would hold my interest for longer.  It was Lee who noticed an advert on Facebook for diamond art pictures, he thought that the level of concentration and fine motor skills it required would help with my spasticity on my affected side. He was right, I was instantly hooked. For weeks I sat in bed with a tray on my lap putting thousands of tiny gem stones on pictures and creating beautiful (if a little wonky) works of art... I mean I'm not about to frame them and put them on the walls in my front room any time soon but they were fun to do.  I also took an interest in colouring ...
Post a Comment
Read more